Argh! Red Smash!

I hate walking around downtown, because there’s so many people. More people means more obstacles for me to maneuver around. Now, I don’t walk very fast, but I have a rhythm, a flow that I need to maintain, and disrupting this will result in some pretty dire consequences. Such as me…blogging…about you.

Anyway…

If I had it my way, everyone would be on some kinda conveyor belt system and a machine would move you along at a fairly even pace. If you needed to stop for whatever reason, you’d move to the side and do your thing before you’re ready to get inserted onto the belt again. Basically, I want the system from Wall-E, but, without the severe obesity that comes with it.

If only this didn't result in massive obesity...

How many times have you been at the mall, just to get that one thing, that one shirt or DVD that you know is there, and some idiot is having a conversation with someone else in front of the escalators? What a stupid place to have a conversation. No, please ma’am, don’t get out of the way. I wouldn’t want to disturb this conversation you’re having. Seriously, do go on, what happened on last night’s episode of The Hills? Me? No, I don’t have to go anywhere.

Then I get on the escalator, and some ass clown is standing on the left hand side. Walk left, stand right. Not stand right, then stand beside your significant other on the left as well. If you cannot leave your girlfriend/boyfriend’s side while you’re on an escalator then you are way too clingy, and probably have daddy issues. Get that stuff checked out, but meanwhile, get out of my way!

To the people who are lost: you don’t need to slow down when you are looking for a store. You are not driving, you are walking. If you walk past it, just…walk back! You’re not driving 70km/h on Hwy 7, you don’t need to plan several moves to get back somewhere if you miss a turn, just walk back. With that being said, do not immediately turn around and go back, there are people behind you. I cannot count the number of times someone has bumped into me by turning around immediately without looking behind them. It’s worse than people who stop abruptly, because this is potential crotch-to-crotch contact here! And I don’t do swordfights.

Just wanna smash everyone and bulldoze them out of the way, especially teenagers. I wanna smash those punks, I swear 90% of the offenders on this list are in their teens and need a good kick to the face.