LOST Clusterfuck

Spoiler Alert: Have you tried reading something that’s actually spoiler free? Boring eh? Well, then, be forewarned that there are spoilers here.

It was a good episode, I can’t complain about this one. Except a few things here and there but then that’s because I’m a hater. I wish I did a running diary of some sort but this is the best I could come up with from memory. It’s not in chronological order by the way.

1.) The bomb reminds me of the Cosmic Key from Masters of the Universe. Feel free to check out the trailer, as it is the greatest trailer ever made.

2.) Rose and Bernard? What? Well at least this is their goodbye, right? Right?! And where’s Claire? Bring back Claire!

3.) Juliet is sneaky hot. I’m not sure what to make of this, but somewhere between her introduction and now, I somehow became attracted to her without realizing. If this was real life she could have fleeced me for all my money and I wouldn’t have noticed.

4.) If I directed the shootout (completely inspired by John Woo): The van would roll out in slow-motion, and it would be a perfect time to play some NWA, afterall, they are doing a drive-by. Jack would shoot someone, pick up an extra glock off the floor and start shooting people with two guns blazing, except, instead of walking and shooting, he’d slide down some rails and shoot three people with 20 bullets. Those in the van will take care of the people in the back, causing giant explosions and flames to shoot in the air as tankers explode. The subsequent explosion causes the Dharma people to fly 20 feet in the air or just perish in flames, all while doves fly in the background. This is also why I will probably never be allowed to direct films.

5.) WAAAAALT!!!!! —> JINNNNNNNN!!!!!! —–> JULLIEEETTTTT!!!!!!

Ugh, I’ll chalk this up to rust from the Writer’s Strike. Oh wait, that was last year’s excuse. Recession rust then, yes, that must be it.

6.) Saayid and Hurley have been pretty deprived this season. They had a few early spots but I miss those guys.

7.) Don’t you just want to cut off Horace’s hair everytime you see him? Worst hair ever. I don’t even think he was in this episode, it just pisses me off thinking about it.

8.) For a doctor Jack has no qualms with killing people. He needs a good assassin’s nickname, like The Shepherd or something.

More to come later, I’m off to work.

Small Update

Forgive me if I’m starting to sound bitter in some of my posts. Truth be told, I’m on the up and up and have been feeling dandy these past few weeks because school has been over and I can finally relax. I’ve got work today and tomorrow but that’s not that big of a deal since the shifts are easy and I’ll most likely spend it reading and writing.

I haven’t had a chance to watch any of the major blockbusters yet, missing out on X-Men (which I wasn’t too excited about to begin with after X3 got debacled) and Star Trek (which I had to skip because of work), but I’ll probably find time to watch ‘em next year when they come out, seeing as how everyone’s already watched these movies. Looking back on my DVD collection, I think a fairly large percentage of them were movies that I didn’t get to watch in theatres. Whether it was because I had work and missed out or maybe because at the time I was too young to watch it (Kill Bill, Sin City etc), either way they have somehow found their way into my collection. Along with Stepford Wives, which if anyone is reading, I am willing to give to you for free, along with a meal of your choosing and a photo of myself with a sign that says “[insert name] is Redford’s master.”

In other, unrelated news: fuck LOST! I’m migrating to HBO. They’ve always had the best shows and now I’m going to commit myself to shows exclusively from this network. I’m two seasons away from finishing The Sopranos, which I’ll probably do sometime this summer, after I’m finished watching The Wire, which is too damn awesome. I’m surprised it took me so long to start this show but it is honestly the best show ever. Ever! This isn’t hyperbole speaking either, as far as I am concerned the series is damn near flawless.

Softball and The Wire: My Summer Plan.

I had my first official softball practice the other day and three things became very clear to me:

1) I can’t run anymore.
2) I’ve still got a bum shoulder.
3) I need to stop swearing.

We started out by jogging two laps around the park and midway through I was wheezing and felt an incredible cold feeling in my lungs. Kevin can attest to my inability to run as he showed me up when we ran to the bus stop a month ago. Not only did I stop half way, but I stopped to throw up what I had for dinner, complete with lumps of food and bits of my dignity.

Anyway, while I was chasing down a grounder in practice I tried throwing it to the shortstop but didn’t get a good enough grip on the seams. The ball slipped out of my hand and I said “shit!” out loud, which turns out to be the wrong thing to say in a Christian Softball practice. I got a bit of a talking to. As it turns out, my pottymouth can get me into oodles of trouble with the league so I’m gonna need to cut down on my cursing. It’s easy to cut down swearing when you’re talking, but, in moments like this, it becomes reflex.

To make matters worse I started watch The Wire recently. Shows like that can only increase my vocabulary for all the wrong reasons. Philip recommended the show to me way back but I was too busy watching The Sopranos and LOST to pick up a new show. Now that I’ve lost my faith in LOST, I figured I could pick up a new show and put the other one on the back burner for now. Best. Decision. Ever. I just finished Season 1 and it has changed my life. The way it delves into issues within the police force, the bureaucracy that hampers justice, and the complexity of criminal organizations, it’s about as realistic a show as I’ve ever watched. The thing is, what makes it awesome, is that it doesn’t tie things together so neatly. I’ve grown to hate the self-contained episodes in CSI because their portrayal of cases and justice is so idealistic. They don’t look into the politics, nor do they really pose the question: “what if the cops don’t want this case solved?”

LOST conversation

Warning! This obviously contains spoilers so unless you’ve caught up with Season 5 of LOST, beware.

red says:
- btw, i forgot to mention why Lost sucks
- it sucks because it spends too much time in Dharmaville and not enough time with ben and locke
K D says:
- you’re lucky we aren’t having this conversation in person
- i’d have already backhanded you
red says:
- yo, shut your face woman!
K D says:
- hahaha
red says:
- you know it’s true
- the most intriguing storyline is NOT how Sawyer is going to hold his life together in the past
- but what the island is and what it actually wants
- that’s always been the most interesting bit about LOST
- why all of a sudden are they focusing on this new shit now? It sucks
- But i will give them this
- this new time-travel dynamic made it so easy for them to get rid of the extraneous characters
- i fuckin’ hated Rose and Bernard
- and now they’re…i don’t know where they are
- or “when”
K D says:
- it’s not like they put that there JUST to get rid of them
red says:
- not just, but it allowed for them to do it
K D says:
- and the dharma shit is all periphery
- you gotta have that there.. for when it all comes together in the end
red says:
- man, you and krishna both
- i’m talking about right now!
- not some future episode that hasn’t aired
- i’m having lunch, i’m gonna nourish myself before I get back to destroying LOST
- this anger has depleted my energy
K D says:
- NO you’re not going for lunch!
- you get me all hot and worked up and you leave?!
- NO
- haha
- lost is building up man
- it’s slowly climbing the rollercoaster
- getting closer to the apex.. about to make the big drop
- YOU GOTTA BELIEVE
- oh you bitch.. you’ve left for lunch already haven’t you
- you SON OF A BITCH!

LOST sucks. I’ve watched everything so far and I’ve got to say that this season had so much promise but has generally failed. I love how they followed the Ben and Locke episode, which revealed a lot about the island and monster, with a filler episode about Miles. Granted, I like Miles, he’s supplanted Sawyer as the funny asshole on the show because Sawyer is too busy trying to be Jack, the most hated guy on the show, but aside from the whole talking to the dead segment (which we already knew), I felt it was useless. Sure, he’s got daddy issues, but who doesn’t on that show? Ben, Hurley, Locke, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Jin, Sun, Walt and now we can add Miles to that list as well. The segments about the past are all about waiting. How they have to wait for Kate and Jack etc., waiting for the right time to do something but while all this waiting is being done, you know Sawyer doesn’t really have a plan cooked up. Everything he’s done is improvised, which actually makes him a piss-poor leader, but a brilliant con man. So while we wait for something to happen, why can’t they focus more on Locke and Ben? They’re actually doing something and going somewhere. They can still have the Dharma segments, but please don’t make whole episodes out of them, I can’t stand it anymore. We can also focus more on Sun, because she’s making progress as well, and a hell of a lot more interesting than Kate and Juliet and their territorial battle for Sawyer.

It’s good to have faith, maybe the season will end well, I mean, they did that with Season 2. Have a bunch of shitty episodes and then spring a good ending on us, but that doesn’t make Season 2 good or its episodes, because it didn’t put what I saw into perspective. It’s a bit like recreating the Mona Lisa with pieces of shit. If it’s done right, it’s a masterpiece, but for that to happen, the final product has to be greater than the sum of its parts. Otherwise, it’s just turd.