Lists Suck

http://www.complex.com/blogs/2010/08/04/what-it-look-like-our-10-favorite-video-game-character-rip-offs/comment-page-1/#comment-69740

My big pet peeve these days is how people seem to love constructing these numbered lists in articles. I’ve griped about it before, but it seems to be the trend these days (sadly, that trend means the state of writing is deteriorating). Anyway…I hate lists. It’s a lazy why to write, because what easier way is there to create controversy than to mix up the order of things? Most lists don’t even argue a point, they just list the items in a certain order and then state the merits of each item. The reader doesn’t really know why #5 is better than #2, it just is. But that’s arbitrary. It has nothing to do with writing, which includes, *gasp*, constructing an argument. God forbid someone with an opinion will have to do that in an article.

Which brings me to the link I posted above. I’m griping over this article because “ripping off” is taking something else and acknowledging it as your own, ala, plagiarizing. The creator of Metal Gear has come out to say that Solid Snake was modeled after Snake Plissken. So there goes that. If you want to talk classic ripping off, check out how Disney ripped off The Lion King from this Japanese cartoon.

Things That I Hate

I was talking to Krishna tonight and he mentioned something about an LOLcat. I told him how much I hated that Internet meme, when he told me that I should just “make a list of all the things I hate”, presumably because he can’t keep track of them anymore. So here’s the list in all its glory! It’s probably incomplete and some of them come with explanations while others are rather self explanatory (or I didn’t bother explaining):

The Long List:

-escalators: when people don’t walk left and stand right.
-lights underneath cars: why do people supe it up like that?
-artsy fartsy people: they’re so elitist
-indie music whores: you know, the people who only listen to bands that aren’t signed to major labels.
-nepotism: it’s rampant in my company and needs to stop. People need to get fired.
-edge 102: I guess I grew out of it. The morning show isn’t that funny and the music sucks.

I’m surprised I could only get to 5. I wonder what else I can think of?

-Chinese people who make other Chinese people look bad.
-humidity. No one likes it actually, I’m not sure why this is on here.
-essays: I used to like them until I got my marks back.
-new Simpsons episodes: they suck now.
-gossipers: who likes them anyway?

I think that’s it for now? I’m sure I can find one more in that list. It’s like, staring right at me, but my mind is tired and I can’t think right now. Acrostic poems? I guess I hate those too. I don’t like poetry in general.

Getting Take Out

At work there’s a Spring Roll right beside us. I order from there all the time because it’s easy for me to close up the garage and grab my food. What I usually do is phone their call-centre, place an order, then go there to pick it up. The last two times I did this, however, they screwed up my order. I don’t know how, it’s pretty simple.

Here’s how the first one went:

Red: “Hi there I’d like to order for take-out please.”
Operator: “Sure, what would you like?”
“One curry pad Thai please.”
“Ok your order will be ready in 40 minutes.”

Then I hung up. And waited. And wondered. 40 minutes? Usually it takes 20, so I called the restaurant this time and asked them why my order was taking 40 minutes when normally it takes 20. She said “because sir, you want it delivered.” What?! Maybe the guy heard me wrong, because I wanted take-out. Anyway I told her something to the extent “no, I wanted take out. I’m right next door, I’m from the parking lot.”

Today, I was feeling hungry at work and decided to give it another go. It’s been a good 5 months since I last ordered from there, but I still remembered the little misunderstanding so I made sure to really emphasize take-out today.

Red: “Hi there, I’d like to order for take-out today please. Take-out.”
Operator: “Sure, what would you like?”
R: “I’ll have a vegetarian curry pad thai.”
O: “And can I get your phone number.”
R: *phone number is given, address is confirmed.*
O: “Ok, your order will be ready in 40 minutes.”
R: “Wait! I said I wanted take-out, NOT delivery.”
O: “Oh, you wanted pick-up.”
R: “It’s essentially the same thing. And it’s definitely not delivery.”

Am I missing something here? Is take-out not a phrase that people use very often? I mean, it’s right there on their menu: “416-365-ROLL, call for take-out and delivery.” I called for take-out, but, they thought I meant delivery. What?! Twice this happened. I know it’s not entirely the same as pickup, since take-out is, technically, when you order at the restaurant and take it out, but pickup is exactly the same, but, without the waiting. So what the hell?! Am I missing something here?

Beef With Maxim’s Hot 100

Having just run through Maxim’s Hot 100, I have to say I’m quite disappointed. The tagline for it is “The definitive list of the world’s most beautiful women” but how can that be when Kate Beckinsale and Christina Hendricks didn’t even make it to the top 100? You might be wondering “wow, this must have been one competitive top 100 to exclude those 3 babes”, but I’m sure I can find room to fit some these ladies in:

At #79 we have Rebecca Mader. Some of my readers will recognize her as Charlotte from LOST:

Making a fine case for why LOST shouldn't be in HD

She has also been on other shows:

Here she is as Kip Drordy

She placed higher than Keeley Hazell:

Someone chose Charlotte over her...

and Stacey Keibler:

Hotter than her? Really?

She’s not top 100. She’s not even the hottest member of LOST, which is unfortunate, because she seems to be the sole representative for that show on this list (whereas all the girls from The Hills made it on).

Then there’s Lily Allen coming in at 75. Maybe Maxim is taking into account the person’s talent and personality as well? Lily Allen isn’t better looking than some of the people above her, but I’ll give her points for her sauciness. That and she called Bob Geldof a cunt (true). I’m not sure what Maxim’s methodology for this list is because it appears that they are not basing their decisions solely on looks. Are they using the “mute” factor? That is, if a person is so unbearable to watch on television with the sound on, can their qualities be redeemed if you just muted the television? You get more points if I can listen to you with the sound on, but you do not get penalized too heavily if you need to get muted.

Coming in at 56 is a true hog in Ke$ha. This was a pretty bad photo of her, so I googled some others to make sure that I wasn’t a fluke:

Yeah if I woke up in the morning with her, I'd reach for a bottle of Jack too.

Doesn't do it for me.

She needs to be muted. And I can’t stand watching her with the television muted either. How did she trickle in at 56?

I was going to say something about Rihanna being at #6, but, she’s pretty hot when she has bangs. When she doesn’t? Hmmmm, not so much.

The rest of the list just has to do with the order being all messed up. Some say that Zooey Deschanel being in the 70s and Katy Perry being #1 is a bit odd considering how they look very similar to one another:

#73

#1

They’re both sexy, but, Katy Perry seems to be bursting through the seams with sexy.

I also gotta ask, where’s Beyoncé in all this? I mean if Britney Spears can make the list, then surely there should be room for an artist that is not only more talented, but saner as well, someone like Beyoncé.

I think their goal wasn’t to make a definitive list, but to make one that people will talk about, and their glaring omissions and bizarre inclusions will definitely do that. It’s just stirring the pot for the sake of it. Maybe they put some names into a hat and drew the first 100?

Stop Breaking Tiger’s Balls

I’ve friggin’ had it with all this Tiger Woods news. It’s not news! It shouldn’t be. Say what you want about his extramarital affairs, or how he handled the situation, or his new commercial which seems odd (considering that’s his dead father’s voice), because in the end, he’s just a professional golfer. That’s it. He’s the best golfer in the world and if you’re a fan of the sport, that’s all you should be concerned about.

The public’s obsession with the lives of celebrities is something that has perplexed me for a long time. We have publications, writers, and photographers whose sole purpose is to find out every detail, no matter how mundane, about a celebrity’s life. Pick up any gossip rag and you’ll find critiques of what they’re wearing, photos of them walking on the street, and a section that shows you how “normal” they are by showing snippets of them pumping gas or doing the groceries.

Does anyone else find this to be insane? They pry into the lives of these celebrities and criticize them on how they live their life, well, fuck! At least they’re doing something extraordinary! Is that what people can’t stand? That there are people in this world that can do something exceptionally well, that they try their hardest to bring them down a few notches so they can relate to them?

I don’t get it, but, that’s just the world we live in.