What Do You Want to Be?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I don’t know. I’m kinda grown up now, and I’m still not really sure. You have to know who you are first to figure out what you want to be. The problem is that I’m not really sure how to do things. I have a really weird way of sequencing events in my mind. I find it difficult to start from the beginning and work my way to the end. I usually skip through to the middle and the end bits and work backwards or sideways. It’s why I was never any good at math. If I was building some kind of Rube Goldberg, I’d start at the very end and then attempt to work backwards to figure out what I need to start with. Only, I get confused and start thinking of the middle pieces, then I’m just left with some kinda clusterfuck of a plan. On second thought, I probably wouldn’t be able to successfully set something like that up.

Have you ever seen me write an essay before? It’s a mess. I have a thesis. I have a plan. I write the 3rd paragraph, then the intro, the the conclusion, then I get ideas for other stuff and then I just write whatever I want to write and try to piece it together afterwards. Sometimes it works out fine, but most of the time I’m trying to figure out how to order the pieces. Then when it’s in order, it doesn’t make sense at all!

You know what my brain is good for? Tangents. It’s why I can relate things in a conversation that seemingly have no friggin’ connection to each other. Sometimes I remind myself of this kid:

Only that sort of comment would happen in the middle of a conversation about something else. Anyway, this is all one long way of saying that I need a job. No, not a job, I need a career. That’s what I need. Only, I’m not quite sure how to make use of myself.