Chessboxing

Note: Do not take this post that seriously please. I obviously do not want to see my friends get hurt, just, sometimes, my imagination runs wild. Perhaps if we found strangers to do this…

I first heard about this on the weekend, when someone showed me an article in The Star about this bizarre hybrid of a sport. At first I thought that all the pieces on the chessboard were replaced by people, and the importance of the piece was reflected in the weight (Queen = Heavyweight, Pawn = Featherweight, etc.), and that upon moving into someone else’s square, a fight would break out, with the winner taking the square. Then I realized that not only would this take forever, but would be dangerous when the Queen starts battering the shit out of all the pawns and everyone else under its weight class.

As it turns out, the sport alternates rounds of chess with rounds of boxing: three minutes of boxing, and four minutes of chess. You can win the whole match via checkmate or knockout (and I’m guessing points as well in boxing). I bring this up because, I think it solves the Kevin vs Krishna dilemma. I know deep down, we all want to see a Kevin vs Krishna match, but Kevin has the weight, height and reach advantage over Krishna. To even things out, I say we change it from a boxing match to a chess boxing match. It works out! I’m sure Krishna holds a distinct advantage over Kevin in chess (I don’t know how I’m sure, I haven’t seen either play Chess), providing a legitimate means for him to win despite the physical disparity between the two.

Imagine Krishna feverishly rushing down Kevin in Chess, cornering his King and Queen as Kevin tries to hold off until he can pummel Krishna in the next round. It would be the most intense thing in the world. I feel we can make a television show out of this, splitting the camps into two with Krishna’s camp working on his boxing skills and Kevin’s camp working on his Chess skills. We can call it Brain vs Brawn or something! I dunno! I’m getting excited just talking about it, like, if I went on Ninjavideo it’d be on the front page, but alas, it only exists in my dreams.