Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Part 3: Action Pornography)

Alright this is gonna be the last of the three posts, because it raises my blood pressure whenever I talk about this film.

After much discussion with people about the movie, I think it’s safe to say the following can be said about Transformers:

- The action sequences were nice.
- The plot doesn’t make any sense.
- The acting is terrible.

This shares a very similar structure to a porno film, don’t you think? No one gives a shit about the acting and the story in a porno film, we only watch for the fucking, and it’s why they can continuously get away with stupid scenarios, because all they do is just provide the opportunity needed for the two performers to do their thing. Unfortunately in Transformers, they don’t quite get this point because they take their absurd plot too seriously. Cheese needs to be recognized as cheese, it’s why movies like Planet Terror work because the whole cast is on the same page and over-acts together. Transformers has a mix of characters being stupid (John Turturro and Ramon Rodriguez), being serious (anyone in the army in this film), and being philosophical (mainly Optimus Prime), which doesn’t mesh well at all because there’s so many things wrong with the plot that you can’t take any of them seriously when they try to be. It sinks the movie.

I came up with a few things about the plot that puzzled me or pissed me off and covered them in my last post, but since then, I’ve come up with a couple more:

- The whereabouts of Megatron and the remaining piece of the All-Spark is top secret, yet they are discussed on an unencrypted line, which is how the Decepticons get this information.
- There’s a scene where Optimus talks to Sam in a cemetery, I’m assuming they want some privacy or want to keep this secret. Except, it’s a thirty foot robot, they don’t fit in anywhere.
- There’s a hostage situation that is all sorts of stupid. Who kidnaps someone then requests a ransom in the middle of a battlefield?
- Robots can do anything except outrun humans and aim.
- There are robots in heaven. I still can’t get over this bit.

And there’s more. That’s not a definitive list. I’m certain if I watched this again and brought a book with me I’d be able to fill most of it by the end, but as far as the movie goes, this is what comes to mind so far. The movie would benefit from some consistency, either give a ridiculous plot and have the acting reflect it, or make a little bit more effort in the writing. The budget was over $200 million for this film, please spend more than Happy Meals on the writer.