Another Letter

Dear Manager of the Black Eyed Peas,

To be honest, I’m not a fan of the group that you are managing. I find their songs to be annoying and was particularly shocked at how badly they butchered Misirlou. I am now unable to watch the opening credits of Pulp Fiction because of this.

With that being said, I would like to commend you on your actions yesterday when you (allegedly) punched Perez Hilton in the face. Your actions have brought more joy to my life than anything the Black Eyed Peas will ever do (aside from eventually retiring), but, unfortunately, you failed to shut Perez up. See the kind of ungrateful bastards you manage? If you were my manager, you can rest assured that I would have gladly joined in and helped you out (and then some), but thanks to your band’s ineptitude, the world has been denied a huge service.

I wish you all the success in life, and hope that one day, you will finish what you have started. Perhaps you can give him the cunt-punching he craves.

- Red